I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
