I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
