I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
