Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
