I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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