I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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