420 ftw
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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