The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
