He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i came on her dog
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?