girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help