The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?