shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
