I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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