This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
