How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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