I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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