whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
