His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
