So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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