one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
