I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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