i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
