My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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