our cab driver is having phone sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
