Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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