Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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