I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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