Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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