I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
