"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
