If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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