someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
