weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
