Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
