Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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