i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Randomize
