dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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