Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Two words: blizzard sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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