Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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