A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
