gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
