I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
