ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
