He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
