What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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