you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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