I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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