Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize