We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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