dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
