Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
