i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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