but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
