True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
