so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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