The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
