My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
