Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There r osticjed everywhere
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
