So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
