WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
