We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
