You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
