you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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