I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my shit smells like andre
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
