hotel room ftw
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
